Five hundred braai fires, and somebody will still move the tongs

Heritage Day's planned record attempt at Loftus Versfeld has a scale to admire: about 3,000 people and 500 fires, according to News24's preview. The official result will have to wait. The unofficial advice will arrive much earlier.

Five hundred fires means a remarkable concentration of people who know exactly when meat should be turned.

Some will have brought meat. Others will have brought their expertise, which travels more lightly and can be applied to several fires at once. A man returning from the drinks table may discover his chops have acquired a supervisor.

The tongs will develop a complicated ownership history. Someone will put them down beside the wrong fire, creating a brief diplomatic incident. A second pair will appear, which nobody remembers packing and everybody has always owned.

Meanwhile, the person who prepared the salads will ask where the serving spoons are. This question will expose the limits of the entire operation.

A record attempt needs organisers, clear arrangements and people willing to follow them. Anyone planning to attend should check the event's current booking and participation information, including what participants must bring. Five hundred fires are plenty; five hundred conflicting assumptions are harder to manage.

At home, a smaller Heritage Day gathering has its own achievable records. All the meat ready while the sides are still on the table. Enough chairs without borrowing from next door. The correct lid returned with each container.

That last one may require international adjudication.

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